Mixed Jokes
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Title
Hits
Rating
1
A man's translations
- |These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we real...
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9
0
2
A woman's dictionary
- |Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized ...
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11
2
3
Drinking fault finder
- |A solution to all of your drinking troublesSymptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; ...
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15
0
4
Emotional extremes
- |The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establi...
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7
0
5
Evaluating progress
- |A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Act...
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9
0
6
Evaluation comments
- |Dictionary of Evaluation Comments Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really sayi...
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10
0
7
Guide for all women
- |A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING: I'M HUNGRY.I'm hungry. I'M SLEEPY.I'm sleepy. I'M T...
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12
0
8
Hick computer terms
- |Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.Log Off: Don't add no wood.Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood...
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15
0
9
Medical terminology
- |Artery -- Study of paintingsBacteria -- Back door of cafeteriaBarium -- What doctors do when treatm...
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11
0
10
Miscellaneous terms
- |Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.Avoidable \uh-voy'-du...
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12
0
11
Mother's dictionary
- |Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.Defense: What you'd better have arou...
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13
0
12
The guide for all men
- |WOMEN S LANGUAGE TRANSLATEDYes = NoNo = YesMaybe = NoI m sorry. = You ll be sorry.We need... = I wa...
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7
0
13
The skier's dictionary
- |Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a Eu...
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8
0
14
Ugly person illness
- |A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doc...
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16
0
15
Woman's instructions
- |THE WOMAN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because t...
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9
0
16
Woman's translations
- |The wife says: You wantThe wife means: You wantThe wife says: We needThe wife means: I wantThe wife...
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6
0
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