Military Jokes
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Title
Hits
Rating
1
A young naval student
- |A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. "What would you do if ...
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5
0
2
An inferiority complex
- |Private Milton went to psychiatrist and complained: "I have an inferiority complex.""Nothing I can ...
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6
0
3
Apologizing to China
- |Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane ...
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6
0
4
Army fitness report
- |British Military Officer Fitness ReportsThe British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports)...
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6
0
5
Army needs new recruits
- |Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta fre...
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9
0
6
Battles on the sea
- |The following is supposedly a true story relating to a United States shipping company.THE U.S. ship...
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11
0
7
Become more effective
- |The unit engineer had just finished a talk on introducing mechanization in fatigue details. A serge...
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7
0
8
Brag about parents
- |An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat."My dad is an engineer. He can do everyth...
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5
0
9
Bragging about old times
- |Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days."Why, my outfit was so well drilled,"...
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5
0
10
Bring some more ammo
- |The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson's Firing exercise and his face fell. The p...
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13
0
11
Change your course now
- |This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities...
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12
0
12
China blames America
- |China blames U.S. for second mid-air collision!Beijing (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated th...
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6
0
13
Chinese learned this
- |Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane ...
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9
0
14
Chinese plane crash
- |Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane ...
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3
0
15
Choose a punishment
- |Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence."You can take your choice, private...
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11
0
16
Commanding the dumb
- |As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right...
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12
0
17
Convince these students
- |An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the V...
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2
0
18
Daddy is going to war
- |The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet figh...
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10
0
19
Discuss track types
- |Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.The first Marine ...
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9
0
20
Finish overseas tour
- |A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opport...
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5
0
21
Fishing on the lake
- |A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. ...
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5
0
22
Flying near Athens
- |As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that ...
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10
0
23
Give chocolate pudding
- |First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?"Second soldier: "No way, Jose!"First sold...
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7
0
24
Give us new missiles
- |The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet figh...
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3
0
25
Giving sad news to a troop
- |The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died y...
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6
0
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